Gemini 5-6 Drilling For Oil

<tt>roby tiakka @ freeimages.com</tt>

roby tiakka @ freeimages.com

I have a friend whose North node is in this degree. Interestingly, she works as a geologist, after spending many years as a core-shed assistant and field-assistant for exploration geologists, which has a lot to do with drill-core. Funnily enough, she has remained employed as a geologist despite a lot of cullings in the bust times. Clearly she is meant to continue as a geologist and learn the life lessons along that path.

On a deeper note, I had a recent issue with my mother-in-law that the Rhetoracle said was described by this degree. Basically for the last 6 years the MIL has dropped by my house most mornings after work to catch up with the grandkids. Unfortunately she is usually tired (especially after working permanent night shift for 40 years) and usually in a negative mood. I struggle with other people's negativity, having lived with my depressed mother for 10 years after my father died, and find myself "infected" with other people's moods. Recently my MIL dumped on me her frustration with some superannuation thing which was understandable, but when I gave her some advice (find another broker who won't cheat you), she repeatedly said she was going to let it sort itself out. I got the feeling that she was resistant to my advice - and it turns out it was the same advice her husband gave her - and was determined to do the opposite of what anyone said. I asked myself if she had an attitude problem and got a resounding YES!

I think the wool fell off my eyes and I started to see her as someone who enjoyed their suffering. Before, I felt sympathy for all her and her problems, and now I was starting to see it as something she needed to have around her. I was also getting the feeling of "whatever you say or do, I'm doing the opposite" as a sort of unconscious spite (my framing). I was basically looking ahead to more years of her dropping by my house and dumping negativity, with no intention of improving anything for herself. I wondered if I was enabling a negativity addiction?

She is not a bad person at all, and here I was getting angry about our interactions. When we are happy, our happy emotions flow out easily, but when we are not, we are very restrained and shut off. I was very shut off around the MIL and she felt this change, so she started being very friendly and cheerful toward me to cajole me out if it, all kudos to her. Once I relaxed and wanted to chat about something, she went back into her negative mode.

I was trying to process "what it all means" to get over it, but all I could do was demonise her and justify my anger because "she said this" and "she said that". When the explanations and justifications get too complicated then it starts to seem like trying to rationalise something. I know if I don't find the truth of something, I won't be able to change my emotions. So I was stuck with this anger that I didn't want. So ok, I thought, let's stop pointing the finger at her and what she does because I'm trying to get mastery of myself and not be affected by the crazy world outside me. So what is going on? Is it my getting-old, severely-annoying-to-myself mother issues that I really would like to get past? Is there a larger pattern here? Or is there something I need to look at, am I getting a feedback message or another item on life's curriculum? Is she a reflection of my own negativity that I'm not seeing?

And with all my thinking, I am still angry. And I look at my anger, trying to find the truth of it, and all I know is that anger occurs when our boundaries are crossed. When we feel angry, we need to stand up for ourselves. Or it's a mask for hurt, so where am I hurt?
So I tell myself: Why should I care what she thinks of me? She is allowed to be herself and I am allowed to be myself!
Still angry.
I do think of telling the MIL that I am sick of her negativity, but I have confronted people many times, including her, and I just don't want to use that tool in the toolbox anymore. Especially when she is just being herself and nothing I say is likely to change that. And I know all about the brick wall! And sometimes the unkind, angry words, or even the assertive, gentle words are used as fodder for gossip rather than anything useful for the person intended.
So now what?!
Still angry.
I get the idea to call my mother. And for an hour, we just have a light-hearted chat about the kids. We are laughing and I am chatting so much she can't get a word in, but she loves hearing about the kids so she doesn't mind. At the end of the phone call, I feel so happy, so free!

I realise that around the MIL I am blocked in that I can't express my love such as chatting about my kids (probably comes across as bragging, or know-it-all, or... whatever!) and with my own mother it was like an oil geyser being released! I realised that I did need to use my voice, in that I needed to express my love, but clearly the person to do that with is not the MIL. Almost every day that I saw my MIL I guess I was looking for someone to listen to me or validate me with whatever I wanted to express myself about, and I was realising that she was not that person for me. If I need someone to complain about idiots with, or someone to be there with practical advice on fixing a broken arm, then she's the woman for the job! The wonderful thing about that phone call with my mother was I felt like this was the time that my mother would listen to me - quite a rare occurrence previously! So it was a revelation to have my mother enjoy my prattle about the kids, and I thank my MIL now for pushing me toward a better relationship with my own mother. But if I want my mother to give me practical advice about broken arms, then she is not the woman for that job.

So for me this symbol was apt in the way I was digging deeper and deeper into myself to try to find the solution to my own emotion, to try to find a reframe. In fact, no thinking did it for me, it was just the simple act of talking about my kids to my mother that set me free. Now I understand why my husband comes home and doesn't want to talk about a bad day at work! Far better to talk about something much more enjoyable, because it releases the good vibes that are held back.

This symbol also represents the way I was trying to find something in my MIL that just wasn't there for me. It's why we need a mix of people around us - so different people can connect to the different parts of us. Some parts surface and disappear at certain times, and we can't expect the people usually around us to have to deal or connect with those parts too. What was so interesting was that I was having dreams about bats at the same time, which according to Steven Farmer (Pocket Guide To Animals) is about being social and making new friends. Duh, now I get it!


So I am back to feeling myself now. I see that I wasn't "infected" with her mood, I was blocking my own good feelings (true, because she was there, but I could pull weeds in the garden while she hangs with the kids, and feel better). I am really interested in how I'll go when the MIL drops around again!


Does any part of the symbol resonate with you?

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Do any of the astrological bodies (Venus, Jupiter, Chiron etc) fall on this symbol for you? What has it meant in your life?

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