Virgo 9-10 Two Heads Looking Out And Beyond The Shadows

<tt>Luke Walker @ freeimages.com</tt>

Luke Walker @ freeimages.com

I asked the Rhetoracle about a recent epiphany and got this symbol.

Very recently, my maternal grandmother passed away. I had only met her a few times in my life because my mother hated her parents so much for the abuse they committed in her childhood (whippings, beatings, strangulation etc), so my mother basically moved overseas.

During my grandmother's illness and death, I spoke a lot to my mother as I know it was bringing up old memories and emotions. I also began having issues with computers and electrical equipment around me (phones draining quickly, computers glitching, self-check-outs blanking, library computers not scanning my books in, dvd not working etc etc). I realised with my trusty pendulum (gives a yes/no answer - check out how bird breeders tell the sex of birds with a crystal) that my dying grandmother was around me energetically, expressing herself as my Chiron (Taurus 1-2 An Electrical Storm) - literally the wounded healer, literally expressing herself as a wound that my mother and myself have struggled to heal ourselves.

When I meditated a colour-wash through my body and aura, I saw my body's capillaries light up, emanating from the lungs (she was riddled with cancer, and it started with lung cancer - yes she was a smoker), then I finally saw myself as an X-ray. I wondered if, through this connection with her, I saw that she was having treatment.
So I would ask the pendulum if I needed to do anything and the answer was no, which I assumed was the fact that she just wanted the connection (Oracle card: Angel of Love). A week later when the electrical storm repeated I asked what I needed to do - send a get well card? - and I got a yes, which stopped all the electrical conniptions around me.
All this time I kept my mother in the loop and counselled her about not-seeing her mother, not flying over to be at her bedside. I told my mother the story of the Youth Holding A Lighted Candle - that I had experienced on the same day as her dilemma - and it helped her resolve the feelings of guilt regarding family obligations. My mother really felt my support with whatever decisions she wanted to make.

A week before my grandmother passed away, my mother had let go of a lot of emotion (she also went to the Buddhist temple to meditate and spoke to friends etc) and she said she "felt nothing" which was a huge step forward. She was even able to arrange money to be given to my grandmother for food.
The next week I was on holiday and got the electrical storm again. I didn't realise until I got home, and my mother called, that my grandmother had died. She died peacefully (which gives all of us hope for the same) clutching the money that my mother had sent. I used the pendulum to find out the storm was about - connection? a message? Yes! Ok what message, let's guess, from the Ho'Opono Pono? (I'm sorry, Please forgive me, I love you, Thank you.) Yes! So I let my mother know.
Since then, while the electrical storm has calmed down, I am aware that my grandmother is still around me for the connection. In Chinese folklore, the dead hang around for 7 days to right wrongs or finish unfinished business. In my case I think it's to help me understand the generational chain of pain, because it's a big deal that she's dead - a really big deal - as she represents a lot of negativity in my family.

I finally realised what she wanted me to know (among other things). That my situation with my mother-in-law was also a situation she had to deal with when she married, and it amplified the abuse. The terrible childhood my mother endured meant that I did not have a relationship (for good or bad) with my grandmother, and that by getting the in-laws out of my house, I was opening up a space for my mother to come and live with us while I study to be a teacher, so that my own children could have a relationship with their maternal grandmother. My grandmother preferred her in-laws to her own family (where she was treated as a child-slave herself), but it was a case of moving into an atmosphere of disdain and disrespect. Then my own mother preferred to live in her husband's country to get away from her family (thereby enduring rejection and isolation from his family), and I myself preferred to live in my partner's home-town rather than in the same town as my mother (a generational chain of pain). My own daughter has an African past-life (that my current father-in-law, my brother and myself share), where she lived with the in-laws once she was married - and missed the connection with her maternal family. So by creating boundaries with my mother-in-law, I stopped a cycle recurring, where the maternal grandmother has no connection to the grandchildren.
I personally believe there is no "good" or "bad", though there is pain and no-pain, and like and not-like, and it seems to me that karma pushes us to change and refine, to not repeat the past.

I am very lucky that my maternal grandmother is here with me in spirit at the "right" time (rather than turning her back), after I had cleared my house of my in-law's influence/energy from my house, to say that it was okay: I'd done what I was supposed to do. Sure, it doesn't look pretty, because the mother-in-law is not a bad person and now she can't access my kids in my house (though they can go to hers etc), but I didn't have to be angry about the fact that I didn't like doing it. Didn't like that I had to access a dragon energy to get her out, and had to block my bubbly side whenever I saw her after, and I didn't like repressing that part and expressing the forbidding part of myself. I didn't have to be angry or sad or guilty about using different energies to get the result.
I had simply done my job, and if it didn't look pretty, well, the only one judging that was me, and I wasn't doing myself any favours going over it and over it in my head, with a lot of wasted emotion and thought.
So now that my grandmother is in spirit - and a lot of cultural and family learnings that created her personality structure in this life have fallen away - with the fact that she has expressed love, gives me gratitude for the epiphany and understanding, to move on. I am a big believer in perception as a healing force, and my grandmother helped to change my perception about my own aggression.
I see her smoking next to me, saying: hey kid, there's worse things you can do to someone! (Yeah, not funny, I know, but true.)

By having her with me, both of us are healing from the things we have done.
I realise there is a lot around any of us that blocks us from seeing clearly our reasons for our actions (the shadows of our own doubts, the influences of negative people around us), and together (with a friend you can talk to, or a dead grandma) we can make sense of where we need to get to and what we had to do to get there.


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