Virgo 10-11 A Boy Moulded In His Mother's Aspirations For Him
Rodolfo Belloli @ freeimages.com
I have the Sun on this degree. To me this symbol is about duty, and interestingly it is something the first daughter in my family line carries quite heavily. Further the personality-programme of "Pleaser", which all children learn from a young age in order to survive in the family, resonates for me with this degree. I have often over-achieved in order to try to "ingratiate" myself with people, so that I would be "worthy" of liking/loving. This degree has a lot of "conditional love" attached to it for me.
Recently I felt that I have "done my duty" and was free of any family expectations - I had distanced myself from my mother (I was too attached and she was not emotionally available for me as I wanted, which was making me suffer. In fact, she does her best to love me, and her best is a million times better than what she was taught growing up) and family. While most people would think this is a shame, I actually felt liberated. In distancing myself from my mother, she also was free, so she stopped hoarding, cleared out 10+ skip bins worth of junk and has signed a builders contract to demolish and build a new house. This has been her dream, but clearly our attachment had prevented her from doing this.
So while I thought we were free, in fact I was not. Yesterday I listened to Hay House radio and heard Dr. Mona Lisa tell someone that when we create a void in our lives (from grief, or clearing relationships out etc etc) the universe abhors a vacuum and will fill it with something. For me this was a friendship that seemed great but then turned toxic, until I realised that I had projected my mother issues on to my friend. I didn't realise until 2 years later that she was the same as my mother. Clearly I was looking for another mother figure. It was a shock to me as I thought I had done enough personal development to understand my habits and patterns. I harbour no ill-will to anyone, clearly I create this dynamic myself! So I realised I needed to fill the "mother-void" otherwise my subconscious or the universe will just send any old thing to fill it. I did a meditation last night and read up on Kuan Yin, who is considered the Mother Mary of the East, the Ascended Master of Compassion. In my meditation, she took my hand and said to me "You are looking for a mother, let ME be that for you". It was a very moving meditation. So I fill the void with a guide who I can call upon. I had previously thought that I had to be my own mother, but I guess that was a bit too hard!
I look forward to new relationships that are not projections of my subconscious mother issues! That would really be great!!
Having this as my Sun puts my Earth into perpective - the Earth is the opposite to the Sun, so my Earth is Pisces 10-11 Men Seeking Enlightenment. I reconcile these two symbols with the idea that where I had been filled with all the ideas, opinions, aspirations and emotions of my mother (and therefore overattached, with no real understanding of myself), my path of happiness lies in seeking the truth and my own authenticity. One of my greatest regrets is that I yelled at my aunt in public, accusing her of all sorts of things that my mother poisoned my ears with, thereby losing a relationship with a family member, just because I "sided" with my mother, believing whatever her own beliefs were. I missed out on a lot of family relationships due to this misguided loyalty to my mother, becoming an enabler to my mother's self-exclusion and paranoia. Now I have a very different perspective and respect for what truth is, and do consider myself a seeker of truth. One of the interesting things about seeking truth is that I have needed to let go of successive beliefs to learn or embrace new ones. It has been a wonderful, exciting process of self discovery for me. As I have grown more and more, I am starting to see the 'mother' in this symbol as the Divine Mother, reconciling my Earth with my Sun, so that as I do the duties the universe asks of me, I open up with trust that somewhere, somehow it's all for the best, and any emotional effect is just something I have to deal with.
On the other hand, I wonder if someone had this Virgo degree as their Earth if it is a way of grounding someone away from flighty, fantasy oriented seeking as a dream, toward a more realistic perspective and accepting the duties of life (very much chop wood, fetch water - then suddenly Enlightenment - yet still need to chop wood, fetch water).
I know another woman who has this Virgo degree as her Midheaven. She wasn't happy with this until I said that the Midheaven is only how we are perceived rather than who we are.
Does any part of the symbol resonate with you?
Share your experiences of this Virgo karma!
Do any of the astrological bodies (Venus, Jupiter, Chiron etc) fall on this symbol for you? What has it meant in your life?
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