Aquarius 20-21 A Woman Disappointed And Disillusioned
There are who teach only the sweet lessons of peace and safety;
But I teach lessons of war and death to those I love,
That they readily meet invasions, when they come.
("Lessons Poem", Walt Whitman)
So a friend of mine has her teenage daughter with Uranus retrograde on this degree. So far it appears to manifest as a "stick" motivator. She has been struggling with fitting in and loneliness at school for a long time, and after accomplishing a lot in her extra-curricular life last year, she decided this year she would focus on her studies.
Her mother spoke to me about how she wished her daughter would stop focussing on the loneliness that makes her suffer, because it was only manifesting more loneliness. My take on this was that in fact, knowing she had chosen to do better in her studies this year, she was using this feeling of loneliness to push her into the library at lunchtimes to study. From what I know about her, she doesn't think much of the people at her school and would not want to choose many of these students as her friends anyway. She is actually not-enjoying her feelings about the appearance of not having friends at school.
I am aware that she had previous struggles with her studies, and what greater motivator for her to improve something she doesn't want to do, than to have a terrible social life that acts as the stick motivator for her to study?
This is how clever we are, that we know what we want and make ourselves suffer in other areas of life to push us toward our chosen destiny. In this girl's life, her mother had "accidently" put her into school early (her mother is not from this country) and had pushed her daughter to do better reading because teachers told her that her daughter was "behind". In fact none of the teachers told my friend that she had put her daughter in too early. Clearly her daughter is meant to be educated to realise whatever karmic ambition she had before she was born.
As her daughter has not found learning fun so far, she has manifested a poor social life and feelings of loneliness that push her to study. The problem of loneliness is only a perceived problem here. The real "problem" is her relationship to study - and the absence of a "carrot" motivator. However who are we to judge? With this symbol, this girl is nonetheless using her gift to achieve.
How to find a carrot with the disillusionment gift? (Which yes, is a gift - imagine having this gift while working in a corrupt company, to stop you from being led into an unethical life?) This gift helps me to discern what I don't want (entitled mean-girl friends at the lunchtime hub) but I may still find the joy in something else such as study. There is a poem by Walt Whitman called "Beginning My Studies”:
Beginning my studies the first step pleas’d me so much,
The mere fact consciousness, these forms, the power of motion,
The least insect or animal, the senses, eyesight, love,
The first step I say awed me and pleas’d me so much,
I have hardly gone and hardly wish’d to go any farther,
But stop and loiter all the time to sing it in ecstatic songs.
So if I could find the thing that made me want to sing ecstatically just from the first lesson (and I have actually found this in learning poetry and exploring spirituality), how would this feeling I have attract like-minded people to me? How my loneliness would dissolve while I vibrate enthusiastically about the subject that interests me, and how others would find me to talk about it!
It is very interesting the subject of "problems". Sometimes the "problem" is there for a reason, there is a usefulness in it. And fixing the problem might unravel or derail someone from achieving what they actually want. If you follow Seth or Abraham via Esther Hicks, they will tell you that everything is perfect and as it should be, and if we want things to change we only need to change our perceptions (ultimately to change our feelings and vibrations about things). Sometimes just a reframe to achieve a greater understanding is all that's required and that the situation doesn't actually need to change, it exists to move someone toward where they need to go.
I am aware that this symbol seems negative, however I believe every experience has power and value. I like to joke with my friend that at least her daughter can change a situation with her gift, while I have to "take it" with mine (A Massive Rocky Shore lol! ...and, it's cos I can haha!)
I'm sure we have all had experiences of Disappointment and Disillusion, and as far as I am aware, these states are related to processing events and situations. It is a reflective process. When we process, we discern and then decide. I have a very personal and powerful experience of this - I once worked at a very toxic company and felt very much like I was in a snakepit. I was so disappointed and desperate to escape the culture but was tied to the company for a minimum of a year. I couldn't quit or I would owe them money! So I was trapped. I have since wondered if some suffering is really an opportunity to shine as our best selves. For a long time I felt humiliated, even after I left 7 years ago, but recently came across some old stuff from that workplace that I needed to clear from a box. I went through old paperwork, reports and performance reviews, and realised that all the attacks toward me, all the arrogance at there, all the horror - it all went both ways. I was a threat but also arrogant. That place was a mirror for me, but also, with every attack, I ended up the "victor" as I kept my values intact (values being "to not do the evil that the rest of them are doing" - pretty easy to define! I also put a smile on my face every day and tried to make new friends). I realise that my negative feelings at the time were not "attracting" the horror experiences, but were meant to push me to act - and step by step, I got out of the snakepit(which was actually healing a past life) while at work, then finally quit with my dignity. I look over reports different people had of me and realise they were mostly positive, but my negative view coloured them too dark. That is okay, because my desire to leave never changed. Now that I have some distance, I can rescue from that time some more positive perspectives. It was not all that bad, but yes, it was still bad. I can see more clearly however my own dignity and worthy performance. Before I had thought too much of what they thought of me, but as I let that go, I have a better view of myself. I believe that disappointment and disillusion is one way to kindle the fire of change.
I have a friend who has Juno on this degree. I note that she lives with her mother-in-law, who is bitter as she divorced her husband because he was unfaithful. My friend has to manage the strong personalities of her own husband, his mother, and her children. My friend is very sympathetic and a gentle person, and I can see that the strong personalities of her husband and his mother would be attracted to her. Personally, I think that this degree reflects my friend's mother-in-law, who my friend is committed to (Juno) via her marriage. I have also learned that my friend's own mother sadly died of cancer when my friend was young, and in the long drawn-out illness, her mother was often negative and despairing. This memory has really hurt my friend, who wanted her mother to see the love around her with her children and husband (who, conversely, was very positive and optimistic) but her mother did not have that realisation before she died.
I recently had an experience where I was disappointed and disillusioned with my mother-in-law where the seeds of that experience was planted just before Easter this year. I have a niece whom I struggle to enjoy her company (yes I know she's a child, but I'm human, ok People!) and I hardly ever see her. Anyway I had the pleasure of her company that weekend and actually, it was a pleasure! I later looked up her chart and found that her Earth is this degree! So as soon as I was the disappointed woman, my niece appears! And she was wonderful!
Does any part of the symbol resonate with you?
Share your experiences of this Aquarius karma!
Do any of the astrological bodies (Venus, Jupiter, Chiron etc) fall on this symbol for you? What has it meant in your life?
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