Brian Call @ freeimages.com
My experience of this degree is about receiving on your own terms. Anyone out there with parents who “help” or give to adult children, and those children feel that there are strings attached?
For me, this degree is about making clear the terms under which the receiver will receive.
My older brother-in-law (BIL) has his South Node on this degree and has received many things from his parents who make comments like “I can’t give him the old truck when I get a new one, because he won’t look after it…” then 6 months later guess who has inherited the truck and doesn’t look after it. He has a very shrewd relationship with authority figures, he has trained his parents not to expect anything from him, and so one lesson of this degree is that we teach people what they can and can not expect from us.
My parents-in-law have historically had a manipulative relationship with their other adult children, being over-involved in their other children's lives and becoming emotionally affected by any decisions, particlarly financial, that their children make. One example is that they have acted as guarantor (beware of ever doing this!) on my younger BIL's business loan however the stress (understandably) they created over his financial and business decisions damaged their relationships, especially as they felt entitled to be a part of these decisions, nagging younger BIL and his wife. I imagine someone with a positive aspect on this degree has already learned the lessons of "be careful what you wish for", now making sure they don't get burned getting what they want!
At the moment I am experiencing this degree as a shift from previously feeling very obligated to others in order to belong, feeling like I have to “pay back” the favour of acceptance in some way. As part of learning about my own boundaries and maintaining them, this degree has been very useful, particularly with family dynamics which are fraught with boundary problems.
My Lilith is on Aries 12-13 An Unsuccessful Bomb Explosion of the Aries/Cancer/Libra/Capricorn 12-13 cross, and my experience of this cross is as follows:
After requesting my Mother-in-law (MIL) stop visiting me during the mornings after her night shift (when she is at her most negative) i.e. dropping the bomb that she was unwelcome and negative in mornings, she continued to visit anyway, triggering my Lilith as my MIL is at the end of a long line of very similar women in my life, and I have had enough.
The fallout from my feeling disrespected is that I have banned her from the house and have spent birthdays and Christmasses away from my in-laws, determined to have “the best revenge is a good life” outcome (Libra 12-13 Children Blowing Soap Bubbles) by planning fun experiences instead – opening up the world for me and my immediate family. The Libra symbol is a result of joyful living when we release toxic influences or burn away our dross (freeing our inner child too).
One and a half years passed and I consider the bridge burned (Capricorn 12-13 A Fire Worshipper). I continue to have interactions with my father-in-law, who maintains a relationship with me and is very respectful (as I am) in our interactions.
I consider a fire worshipper to be someone who knows what fire can do and respects its power and limitations – which since my tantrum with the MIL I relate to learning about honouring my feelings, my Lilith, and any personas that were repressed for the sake of getting along with the in-laws (as the cost of me getting along with myself, i.e. the disrespect ultimately came from myself toward myself). Externally, my FIL is careful with me since we have clashed before.
Another possible aspect of the fire-worshipper is that old idea of walking through emotional/mental/spiritual fire looking for peace. The fires of mental hell in my case come from a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” dichotomy that pulled me into positions of excoriating self-doubt then warrior F$*& YOU mentalities. I now learn to walk between the blazes that will rage nonetheless, however I hope to find peace by acknowledging these positions exist and keeping in my right track, step by step, decision by decision, ever mindful of the present.
I have recently asked for some help from the FIL, stressing to him that he is not obligated to help me, and that he helps me only if he wants to. I am ensuring that this help has no "strings attached", and I also intend not to feel obligated to my FIL if I receive his help. Further I have a plan B if he doesn't wish to help, so I have other options if he doesn't help me. This degree is proof of my self-respect.
I certainly wouldn't have integrated this degree into my relationship strategies without knowing my older BIL! I'm getting the hang of this awesome degree, and in fact, this awesome cross :D Thanks in-laws!!
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