Scorpio 3-4 A Youth Holding A Lighted Candle
I asked the Rhetoracle whether I should take an ex-friend up on an invitation to coffee. This friend was someone who I let cross my boundaries many times, exhausting me with her issues as well as refereeing the children who seemed to be constantly at my house fighting. I gave her energy and money and ended up feeling very used, and also began to feel disrespected by her. She pulled some oracle cards in front of me and got the "Envy" card which freaked me out because I had issues with other people's envy (one of my blocks to success is the subconscious belief that people with resent and envy me). When someone envies you, one of the results of that envy is that person can worm-eat their way into the apple of your life, taking for themselves the things they want and energetically turning to you and asking what the hell you're doing there! This friend gave me what I most craved - friendship and attention - and so I opened my door and life to her. Despite many signs of the universe warning me, I had to learn the hard way about boundaries. This friend was my boundary teacher!
After a year of no contact with this person, as well as experiencing and enforcing my boundaries and learning a lot emotionally, I recently did a forgiveness meditation so I could help my family and myself move forward. I have been feeling very strong and very glad that I am learning about boundaries, especially as my Chiron is Taurus 1-2 An Electrical Storm. I basically forgave everyone in my life and my family's life, because I don't know what random memory will put me in a sh!!tty mood in ten year's time, so best to cover all bases.
The next day I bump into this ex-friend who wants to catch up because "things could be better at home" - that is, she wants my energy to help her feel better about her life. Again.
I have compassion for her but I cannot go back to that friendship with her. In the middle of the night I thought about her toxic husband, toxic kids and basically all the crap that I would enter into if I caught up with her and having to make her feel better about her choices. When I felt sorry for her once, I would also complain about my life to help her feel better and we would bond as victims, which meant I gave my power away.
Sure, it's only coffee, but could I trust myself not to give away too much again? I know that I am the gatekeeper of my house and life, but I didn't know if the universe had a greater purpose now that I had learned more things. I wasn't sure if I was "meant" to see her, because it was straight after this forgiveness meditation, or if I had "attracted" her because of it, or if it was just coincidence.
So I asked the Rhetoracle "What does catching up with her mean?" and got this symbol. When I asked "What if I don't go?" I got Virgo 2-3 Two Angels Bringing Protection!
So I took this to mean that I could catch up and I would be bringing my light into the darkness (and I would be fine), or I could avoid her and it would be just fine as both of us would have the Angels taking care of us in our separate lives. (It was also Virgo rationality versus Scorpio intense curiosity and irresistably drawing the self to darkness).
I chose the Angels :)
My mother called me two days later and now I understand why I had this particular experience. My grandmother lives in the USA and is dying of cancer, however my mother refuses to see her because of traumatic abuse she had as a child at the behest of my grandmother. While my mother has cut my grandmother out of her life, this news that she is dying has brought back a lot of memories and emotions. Even though my mother says she feels strong and won't have anything to do with my grandmother, I can tell there is doubt and a need for reassurance. Joseph Campbell says that one of the things we need to let go of before becoming enlightened/self-actualised/etc is social duty. The Chinese side of my family take family duty very seriously and so there is a lot of accusations and guilt toward my mother.
I explained to my mother my recent experience with the ex-friend and how this is similar to her own - that my mother knows exactly what her family is like, she knows exactly what they will demand and what their response will be whether she does what they want or not. In the end she doesn't really have a choice - get poked in the eye or not poked in the eye? Hmmm, should be obvious what to choose! - so all that is left for her to do is come to terms with the resulting emotions from the choice she had to make (or one could argue that there was no choice anyway).
Now, I didn't experience the abuse, so sure, I could try and convince my mother to forgive and call or visit, but I prefer to trust that my mother knows her own way forward. I have told her that the most important thing before we die is to make sure we don't have baggage going into the next life, so try not to have regrets or resentments - review our lives with compassion and understand the choices we felt we had to make.
So this last phone call I just told her that I had to choose between the Youth with the Lighted Candle (going into a darkness which, in our cases, we were already familiar with) or the Angels, and choosing Angels meant turning our backs and trusting that the other people would find their way themselves or with the help of the Universe.
She was really pleased with our chat and I could tell it had made a difference. I don't know if I would have helped her that much if I hadn't had such a personal and similar experience myself, to give her the understanding and support she needed. I did say in parting to her, when she started complaining about how stupid her mother was to smoke her whole life, that part of letting go was accepting that whatever the other person does is None Of Our Business, and better off turning negative thoughts into gratitude for the "space" these people give us by not being in our lives.
So that helped solve the mystery of bumping into my ex-friend :)
Does any part of the symbol resonate with you?
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Do any of the astrological bodies (Venus, Jupiter, Chiron etc) fall on this symbol for you? What has it meant in your life?
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