Taurus 17-18 A Woman Holding A Bag Out Of A Window
Children's Games by Peter Breugel via Wikimedia Commons
A friend of mine has been learning a lot esoterically while going out with a very wealthy boyfriend, which made me recall my youth when I inherited money. Recently I had a discussion with another friend about how wealthy people are the worst payers for the family business, and I had a lot of perspective for her on the part of some of the wealthy customers unfortunately. I asked the Rhetoracle what all this was about and I got this symbol, which immediately made me realise that it manifested in my life as Conspicuous Consumption/Distraction.
So lets start with my friend's rich boyfriend. She has told me he comes from old money in Europe and has been trying to "get away" from the trappings his last name brings. They met each other through a mutual friend, at a time when both of them found out that their partner had been cheating on them subsequently ending the marriage.
My friend is an artist and now as a single mother, she really feels the stress of not having a steady income, especially as her ex-husband was the breadwinner. They'd had a rocky marriage but she never left him because of the security he provided that she was deeply attached to. And when she ended the marriage she was very aware and accepting of the "fact" that she was looking at years of working and juggling single parenthood, with no prospects of finding anyone for at least 10 years! So it was a complete surprise (and she was reluctant - don't we love creating our beliefs into reality!) to go on a set-up date with a man she'd never met but that a mutual friend vouched for. (Personally I think the universe was waiting for her to ditch her husband to continue her journey, so this new relationship was always waiting whenever she was ready.)
So now she has a new rich boyfriend and they are completely in love and having wonderful times and...
And she can't quite put her finger on why he gives her the sh!!ts.
She visits me and tells me that they go out and he is very generous, and he has an entourage of really nice people (very similar to herself, actually, so he has a type, just like her ex-husband dun-dun-DUUUNN!) and he is very charming and understanding and this is the first taste of an relationship with a person who is sensitive and caring. But then every time they go out, he tips too much.
She can't stand it. He tips up to $200 to the taxi driver or the waitress, after getting their life story and complimenting them on their lovely smile etc and after weeks of seeing this she is really irritated but doesn't know why.
When I was younger my father died and I recieved an inheritance that lasted until I finished university. I did not grow up as a trust-fund child and I was only able to access the money once I turned 16 (not recommended - 25 is a good age as we should be a bit smarter and had a little taste of life). Until then my mother cleaned houses for a living and we were estranged from my father's family. I went from living very cheaply to suddenly having $300 disposable income every week, which was a lot back then. Now I'm not saying I was the same as this rich boyfriend but what I will say is I have an insight into his behaviour because I had an experience with money though on a different SCALE. Clearly he was born into and still has wealth, and I inherited a much smaller sum that was only temporary (only given payments if I was still at school). But the effect it had on me was very interesting and I'm glad my friend helped me access the experience to process it and realise how far I've come!
Having money meant that to my other friends, I was rich with disposable income, and I felt this, so I was very apologetic about it, wanting to share my money and not have them feel "have-not". I realise now that none of them would have wanted to be in my position - fatherless although cashed up! But I didn't see it that way! I would often pay for nights out, for gifts etc and refuse to allow my friends to pay. Because of this, I became used to making the decisions of where to go and what to do, and my friends let me because I was the one paying. Very subtly the money became a means of expression and a source of power: I like you so I will shower you with material things or entertainment etc. It was also a way of compensating people for "putting up with me". So my self-esteem was tied up in it. The thing is, I wasn't growing because the people I chose to keep around me didn't challenge me because they were really nice, accepting people (something I needed to subconsciously learn from them). After a while I noted that some people were quite happy to receive, so then I would feel used! (But I set it up that way!!) So I was stuck in a role where my only expression was money and if I had enough then I was good enough to be around. In fact what I was forgetting/missing was that people hang around with people for free if they like you and don't need to be paid for it ;D
But I didn't have the self-esteem, still being so young, to know that I was good enough just being me, and to holster the mastercard. My intention was only to have a good time and to not have my friends feel uncomfortable about money, but clearly I was the one uncomfortable with it because I equated it with a have/have-not thing. Only one friend told me I was "flashing my cash" (woman holding a bag out of a window) and I didn't understand because that was not my intention, so I didn't look deeper into myself.
Nowadays when I am connecting with someone I know that just the connection is usually enough for that person and myself - nobody is expecting me to pay them for liking them! But I understand my friend's boyfriend over-tipping.
I also used to "pay" if I wanted to get rid of someone - like a bon voyage gift. My friend believes that is what is going on with her boyfriend: after the connection of a life story exchange, he doesn't want to continue the connection so he "pays them off" so he no longer feels energetically obligated to that person.
It also means to my friend that by over-tipping he has cheapened the connection (although I'm sure the taxi-driver doesn't mind!) and she has seen it enough times to have that feeling about it. So as charming and sensitive as he is, she also sees a shallow side that uses money, even subconsciously, as a power-trip. She sees how he decides when and where to go out with the entourage, when they leave the club, who he decides they will all go out with together that night. She also notes that he is never challeneged by anyone and when she expresses her opinion, he says she is argumentative and dumps her. He had dumped her several times but clearly finds her irresistable because he gets together with her again (I think his Higher Self wants him to grow, so she is perfect for him in many ways, including challenging him).
I think it's fascinating that she is getting this insight considering her need for security in the form of money!
Another friend says in her family business it's the wealthy who don't pay, and I feel its an entitlement thing. An "Oh I'm good for it but I have other things I care about right now", and if you argue then there are constant assurances that "yeah yeah, I'm good for it, I'll pay it, I'm wealthy right?" as if that's all that is needed, just the illusion is the same as payment. (What's in the Bag? Who knows? But I'll just hold it out of reach because people are happy to wait and jump when I say, especially when they think they need what's in the bag that I get to hold! And this was exactly the dynamic between my friend and her ex-husband, and now she sees it in her new man.) So they can be very cavalier with other people's money because they are cavalier with their own - not understanding that some people will be very attached to their money and don't appreciate one treating it like it is disposable.
I don't want to demonise the wealthy and I am not an expert on every wealthy person, but I know how money "corrupted" me when I didn't have enough character, self-esteem and life experience to handle it. Even when I had good intentions I was unprepared for the attention that it brought - another topic. And once I had to work for a living and not spend freely especially after having children, I would give my time and energy away - until I was depleted. So my bag changed from money to energy and attention to give to others. And I learned that there are bottomless pits of "takers" for that too! ("Sure, I'll look after your troublesome child so you can go out and escape the family you created, I love being used!") So I have learned to stop showing off my "Bag" and just bring it inside!
As an aside, Money then Offering Help were all just masks I was using for acceptance, because I thought nobody would accept me if they knew the real me underneath. This is just what happens when we grow up from children, we protect the vulnerable inner child inside with the masks of personality or materiality. But in order to have a real connection and relationship, you have to be vulnerable and real. So I've learned to strip the masks away and realise some people want to be around me just because I am me, and not everyone has to like me. And as long as I like me, I don't need to attract the attention of people to like me by holding a Bag Out Of A Window!
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