Virgo 11-12 A Bride With Her Veil Snatched Away
Christine Scholes @ freeimages.com
The Rhetoracle suggested this symbol for the following learning I have had:
I recently become a complete harridan to my partner and my marriage was on the rocks - I envisioned divorce and becoming a single parent. I was completely vicious, attacking, and the whole time perceiving myself to be a victim. I had become a victim-narcissist, completely dissonant and creating dissonance in the minds of my family. It was affecting the children and I was not able to stop myself attacking my partner in front of them.
On his part, he did his best to show a loving side, forgiving and trying to help me, to the point where I would ask myself "Why am I doing this!?" and my daughter would replicate my behaviour to him and literally telling me "I scream at Daddy when he does nothing to deserve it!"
I saw my kinesiologist who showed me an article about victim narcissists (and her belief is that this is the time in the world that this energy is being expressed globally) and balanced me. But I needed to do much more to escape my own mind. I asked for Angels to help me, day and night, to change the twisted logic of my mind. I was perceiving anything to have a slight. Everything I judged could be understood as rational in one light, but also completely missing the idea that the other person may have meant something different. The whole time was awful and I ended up asking Angels for help.
Yes the Angels did help, it took two days and guidance to read the works of Hal and Sidra Stone who developed the psychological framework called Voice Dialogue, specifically "Embracing Ourselves" and "Embracing Each Other". Once I read these works, the truth was so profound for me that I literally could not speak about it (read more here).
Basically we are a suite of personalities, most unconscious or repressed, and a few are in the "driver's seat" of our conscious life. I had realised that the persona that was in control of me was the Wounded Child who had been repressed and now had become a demonic victim narcissist. The Wounded Child is in everyone, and it is always wounded - that is its persona. And I had always ignored it, never listened to it and now it was bursting out and ruining my life. I realised that another persona, the "Inner Patriarch" had kept it's thumb firmly down on the Wounded Child in order for me to survive in the patriarchal environments I had been in most of my life (my mother represented Chinese patriarchy that favoured boys - my brother - since my birth; I joined the army; I worked in mining). The Inner Patriarch made sure I never listened to the Wounded Child that, in essence, cries for its needs to be met, in this case Love that it did not perceive it received.
Both personas are valuable, but not when their status is either controlling or completely repressed.
My Wounded Child was now railing at the patriarchy that I was projecting onto my partner (who comes from a male-dominated family that tries to dominate their women - though he doesn't!), accusing him of not loving me. I had perceived that he was more loyal to his parents than to me (when in fact he could not choose and did not know how to handle this situation). I now had to stop "enabling" the Wounded Child and take it in hand by learning to love it and myself, to give myself the Love I needed, the validation I needed without looking for it externally (as I had learned the lesson of Libra 15-16 A Boat Landing Washed Away). I also had to be aware of how much I had allowed the Inner Patriarch to rule me, and be honest in that it had taken care of me in the way it knew how, but now it needed to take a back seat. I was a referee to both personas in me.
The Wounded Child did not work alone - the Rebellious Daughter (which I'm considering would be a great discussion for Cancer 29-30 A Daughter Of The American Revolution) would also come out in response to my partner's Stern Father. The Inner Critic would also help the Inner Patriarch sabotage my Wounded Child (or any of the Inner Children). The more I was the Rebellious Daughter, the more his own Stern Father would come out to clamp her down. And my own 6 year-old daughter would be the Rebellious Daughter and out would come my Inner Patriarch to clamp her down! As the Stones say, our children play out our repressed sides for us to look at ourselves!
The solution is to be comfortable in ourselves the different personas that might "make trouble". So when I became comfortable with the Rebellious Daughter, I was more comfortable with it in other people, such as my 6 year-old daughter, and no longer responded to her as the Inner Patriarch. I did not "hate" the Inner Patriarch in my partner once I knew my own, letting it slide off me rather than having the Wounded Child or Rebellious Daughter get "pulled out" in reaction.
One day I felt the Rebellious Daughter rising, and I caught it, walking away before "she" escalated a fight. That moment I felt joy and freedom, and though I couldn't share the experience with anyone, I knew I had "won" against myself and the external.
So for this particular symbol, being Aware of the dynamics and really having a choice of responses rather than getting triggered due to the illusions we hold (depending on what persona is in "charge") IS freedom. The veil is snatched away, and we can hear all the parts of ourselves and their different points of view. In this way we can then choose which persona can be the best one to relate to another person at the time (rather than having a persona get pulled out by another person's choice of persona); having a more balanced and realistic look at what is happening at any time.
Incidentally, at a recent meditation night, I was "lucky" to share my insight into victim narcissism with a foster carer who was dealing with a child displaying the same behaviour (due to severe trauma). All I could share with this acquaintance was that in the end, every persona ends up only seeing itself when you remove any possibility of projection. For example, constantly reminding a Wounded Child of reality and questioning their perceptions (e.g. saying to the 9 year-old "I understand and appreciate your point of view but you still need to go to bed. You are not being punished, you have to get up to go to school in the morning. I am not angry, this is how parents take care of you" etc). What came out in the meditation was that she was "killing" him with love. Which is to say, that the Wounded Child cum Victim Narcissist is being killed by love, its needs are being met and one day it will realise this and another persona will take-over for the 9 year-old to now function in the new environment. It seems that in psychology, there is no death, only constant rebirth, which is heartening!
Further on this symbol, I want to mention that my struggle with all the inner personas was their perceptions. Their mental constructs. It was a loop playing over and over in my head "nobody cares if I live or die; I don't need them etc". The Wounded Child in particular needs to be wounded, so it says things that are hurtful, literally hurting myself: "nobody loves me, my mother never loved me, everyone uses me" etc! With this loop in my head, I was also sad, angry, lots of lower emotions. My mental state was affecting my emotional state, and my overall mental/emotional health was very negative.
Once I realised what was happening, after reading the Stones' work, I began answering the negative thoughts with positive "larger picture" thoughts e.g. "that person is cold to me because my life path is not that way, so "thank you" for the signpost" (or whatever). This is just replacing one illusion for another as emptiness is the mental goal - being in the present, observing and not reacting, and having a choice in response - however it worked to "wean" the Wounded Child from dominating me. And the veil is snatched away and I am seeing my inner reactions a lot more, and am curious about them, digging into my psyche and finding my Truths. I am looking forward being more comfortable with myself, and therefore other people, especially as I am training to be a teacher!
And Angels, yep, they definitely helped :)
On a side note, it is very interesting that the next symbol is A Strong Hand Supplanting Political Hysteria!
What has been your experience?